Valentines, Curse Words, and Priorities

Miss Sailor Mouth
Several weeks ago I had the chance to attend an FHE where we went to visit patrons of the Highland Cove care center, a quintessential retirement home.

After talking to a few patrons (and mistaking a member of the Highland Cove bishopric for one of them), I came across a pleasant, but sailor-mouthed, lady.  Following a brief introduction, several curse words, and her explaining how her husband had passed away, we started to talk about her life.  She told me how her husband had been a dentist and then a member of the faculty the U and how she used to live in a town right outside the Bingham copper mine.  Eventually, the conversation turned to the story of how her and her husband had met.

Speakin' like a sailor

She had been "going with" (her term, not mine) a fellow for quite some time until one night they had a date planned, but instead of taking his lady out, this good fellow decided a fraternity meeting was more important.  So, he decided to make the long trip back into Salt Lake City to attend the meeting, leaving Miss Sailor Mouth all to herself.  The day was Valentines Day.  She decided at that point, if that meeting was important to him, she was done.  Fortunately, later that night, she was set up by her sister with a fellow who would be her future husband.  The rest was history.

I've since taken a lot of time to think about her story and come to the conclusion that she was spot on.

Priorities
Recently, I had been involved with a couple girls (no, I wasn't playing the field, I was dating a couple different people, as we have been counseled to do).  I found that time after time, we were trying to schedule time to spend with each other around other activities.  Fine.  They had lives, I understood this, but it became a little ridiculous months later, when it happened over and over and over.  Even my mom and my friends were beginning to wonder what was going on.

When we're 'in like,' we tend to give those we like the benefit of the doubt, but it starts to become a little toxic after we keep having to repeatedly justify the actions of those we care about.  It's not the making for a good relationship.

Likewise, if we find ourselves prioritizing our friends, social activities, or other great, but less important activities over spending time with someone we like, we need to ask ourselves, 'what do my priorities say about how I really feel about this person?'

So, what happened with those chicas (did you forget about them)?  I dropped 'em like they were hot.

No, what actually happened is, a little later on, I went on a date with a girl in Provo (of all places) who by her nonverbals and actions, showed me I was a priority to her.  Even though things didn't work (timing is the worst), I realized, 'wow, this is what it should feel like.'

How did it feel?  It felt great.  In fact, the disparity between what I felt with her and the other girls was so great, I decided that day it was time to pull a Miss Sailor Mouth.

Let It Go 
I'm a pretty firm believer that if something is really important to us, we'll make time for it.  The truth is, we pretty instinctively know where we fall on someone's priorities.  If we're the one prioritizing, and we find that we put more time into other activities, it may be time to fess up to our guts and let he other person go.

Obviously, there should be moderation in all things, and we should live a balanced life, even when we're in or initiating a relationship.  However, let us not hold on to a relationship that we are placed low on the list priorities.  Let us also not hold on to relationships we are placing low on our priorities.

In both cases, we should follow Elsa's advice and 'let it go.'

You tell us Elsa

Conclusion
We all deserve someone who will value us and our time.  Finding that person who sees us as a priority and being able to accept that we won't be 'everything at all times' to that person may be one of the more difficult challenges, but as President Uchtdorf said, "Love is really spelled T-I-M-E" and it's something we ought to strive for.

Yeah, not all of us show our love by spending 'quality time' with people, but we can still show where our priorities lie in how we use our time - doing something for our sweetheart, serving them in a way that doesn't require them there, etc.  The bottom line is, whether you're sticking around when someone is prioritizing you below friends and activities, or you are doing this to someone else, we're certainly guilty of both, the answer is the same - let it go.

You may have to start back at square one, but you will be all the happier because of it.  Who knows, maybe that special someone is right around the corner.

Anyway, hope this message helps!  Good luck!  I'm rootin' for you!

-CM